The Jackdaw

Tag: Margate

  • Margate Express on Central Line

    Margate Express on Central Line

    The latest masterpiece from the Professor of Drawing is the cover for the tube map. She does a fair warbler with its beak open and trots it out at regular intervals. “When in doubt scribble a bird with its beak open,” advised the Prof as she stepped down from the Margate Express. It was commissioned for a special map to be handed out during the Olympics so that all the foreign visitors will be overwhelmed by the wealth of artistic talent in our country. Said the mayor of London, whose brilliant idea it was to approach the Professor: “How appropriate it is that our Olympic map should echo the advice of the mighty Apelles who drew birds as symbols of an athlete’s freedom of spirit.” Meanwhile, the willing idiot in charge of art on the underground spewed out what she always says when a new map is published: “The artwork presents a moving and unique interpretation of the capital.” Mrs Margi Doonham of Nottingham, who was up the smoke bargain-hunting for suicide potions, said after studying her map that she knew a disabled artist who could draw a better bird holding the pencil up his arse.

    She likes birds does the Margate Express – and every one a masterpiece. Some years ago we reported on her sculpture outside the Anglican Cathedral in Liverpool. It was sixty grand’s worth (courtesy of the BBC who for some reason paid for it) of tiny bird on a pole which some unimpressed scouser promptly sawed off. It was found nearby in a jiffy bag and reattached, following which it was nicked again. We are unsure of its current status, but do let us know if you are privy to information.

    David Lee

    The Jackdaw June 2012

  • One for the Royal Collection

    One for the Royal Collection

    It’s the headgear that does it. Gives it away completely. Without it you’d be none the wiser. But the miner’s lamp makes it beyond any doubt. This is the Professor of Drawing at work on her most important finished presentation piece yet, a celebration of the Wigan pit girls of the 19th century. Such economy of line, every mark counts, each and every one assertive, the impact one of dedication and duty, such superb proportion and foreshortening. It’s as though she was born to draw. So exact is its depiction you could have that miner’s lamp made by an artisan in an afternoon. Every detail is there. Likewise the smock. What seamstress couldn’t run up that durable uniform. She looked exhaustively at hundreds of photographs of pit girls in order to get the portrayal just so. Another triumph for the professor. “People have forgotten how hard these girls worked for a living wage what kept em in grinding poverty,” said the Professor in expansive mode. “They got a lot of stick for being manual but they were amazingly hard working and very glamorous,” she added.

    The pit girl is included in the latest exhibition put on by the professor – she has not after all enjoyed a show of recent work for upwards of six weeks. The new exhibition is in her home town, Margate, which is said to be reborn as a result of its association with her. “She is good for the town,” said Mrs Margi Doonham of Nottingham. “The cake shop has never been busier. And there’s more condoms in bus shelters than ever before. It’s as though the 1950s are back again with crowds piling in on Bank Holiday specials. Long live the Professor. She’ll be Dame Professor soon, and why not?”

    David Lee

    The Jackdaw June 2012